Travel Etiquette: How Not to Be "That" Passenger

About a month ago U.S. Transportation Secretary Sean P. Duffy called for better air travel etiquette, urging passengers to "dress with respect" (not wear pajamas) and be more courteous to staff and other travelers as part of a new "Golden Age of Travel" civility campaign. Now, I understand the desire to be comfortable when you are traveling a long flight and I think it is perfectly acceptable for young kids to wear their pajamas but I agree in general with the sentiment. Particularly where it comes to the etiquette concept.

Recently I was on a flight from JFK to Paris and it was awful. The flight itself was fine but there were several passengers who just made the experience miserable for me, and others around them to be sure. There were four particular instances that got me riled up. They were:

1) Before boarding several people were just cutting in front of others even though they were in group 5 or 6 they jumped in ahead of everyone in group 3 (which was my group). I deliberately looked at their tickets when possible to verify as this is a long standing pet peeve of mine. The staff scanning the passes said nothing and let them board. Also of note they had a tonne of carry-on items: duty free, totes, etc. See next point.

2) When I got to my seat the overhead baggage space was already full. Not just with carry-ons but with coats, massive purses, computer bags, shoes! The carry-ons were jammed in willy nilly taking up twice the space had they been out in properly. I ended up flagging a flight attendant and asked her to get those people who put the non luggage items to take them out and put them under their seat as was procedure. She did so and my wife and I were ultimately able to put our two small roller bags in - wheels first of course.

3) A passenger a row ahead and to the right, 20 something girl, was doomscrolling TikTok videos with her iPhone and did not bother to wear headphones. She just figured that everyone within 5 rows of her wanted to enjoy her asinine videos. This went on for an hour until the man beside her ask her to give it a rest and she had the audacity to look offended.

4) Finally, there was a complete and utter a*****e in front of me who had his seat in full recline from the second he sat down. He didn't do so slowly either, he just rammed it back and smacked my knees the first time. The flight attendants had to remind this idiot that the seats needed to be upright for take off. As soon as he could he was back in full recline which forced me to do the same in order to avoid having my face in the entertainment screen. The passenger behind me tapped my shoulder and asked me not to recline as he was also tall (both of us over 6 foot) but I told him I had no choice pointing to my cramped space.

I did move it up a little bit as a compromise and he appreciated that at least. I had asked the idiot in front to do the same but he just glared and me and shook his head. So, fast forward to meal service. Idiot needed to be reminded by attendants that no, he cannot have his seat in recline for meal service. As soon as he had finished eating he rammed his seat back again launching my water cup into my lap. Idiot needed to be told by attendants that meal service was still ongoing even if he had finished (after I called her over). Anyhow, the whole flight was like this. Idiot was very lucky I was flying with my family because had I been by myself I would have punched him in the throat, consequences be damned.

Ok, end of my rant. I am sure everyone of you has had a similar experience at some point in your travels and it really has gotten a lot worse in the last two decades. What went wrong? Who knows. The long and short of it is that we do indeed need to gravitate back towards civility on flights, or trains or public transit etc. So, what is proper etiquette for when you travel? Let's go over some of the finer points.

Travel Etiquette at the Gate

Before we even get on the plane, there's a phenomenon that drives seasoned travelers absolutely crazy: gate lice. You know who you are—hovering around the boarding area in a tight semicircle when they call group 2 and you're holding a group 5 ticket. You block access to everyone else. Moms with strollers are trying to get through for the priority boarding but the mass of humans in front of her makes it near impossible.

The zone system exists for a reason. It's designed to board people who have paid priority and who may need the extra time and finally to fill the plane from back to front efficiently. When you crowd the gate and try to jump the line, you're not being clever or getting ahead. You're creating a bottleneck that slows down everyone behind you, including the people who are actually supposed to be boarding.

Your seat isn't going anywhere. It's assigned. You will get on the plane. Standing in a scrum at the podium while they're calling group 1 doesn't get you there faster—it just makes the gate agent's job harder and creates chaos for everyone else. Thankfully some airlines are now enforcing this at the gate. These gate lice will be caught by a buzzer and rejected when their pass is scanned if they are trying to cut in on an earlier group. I hope that catches on to all airlines!

The moral? Wait your turn. When your group is called, then approach the gate. Until then, stay seated or at least out of the walkway. It's really that simple.

Overhead Bin: It's Not Your Personal Closet

The overhead bin situation has reached crisis levels. Airlines have made it worse by charging ever more for checked bags, so everyone's trying to cram a week's worth of belongings into a carry-on. But that doesn't excuse bad bin behavior. First off know the airlines policy on size limits. You can read about the major airlines in our related blog post.

The rule is simple: one bag, one space, directly above or near your seat. Your roller bag goes in wheels-first and lying flat, not sideways eating up double the space. Your big tote bag that you are counting as your personal item or that puffy jacket? They go under the seat in front of you or in your lap (maybe you can use the coat as a pillow?), not taking up prime real estate when bins are scarce. Now, if you do happen to have a bit of extra space above your carry on then that is fair game for small bags or coats.

And please, if you're in boarding group 6+, don't act surprised when the bins near your seat are full. That's what happens when you buy a basic economy flight. Other people have paid a little more just so that they can get that coveted space so it is only fair that they do.

Beside which, gate-checking your bag isn't a punishment—it's actually more convenient since you don't have to lug it through the plane and with the added bonus that they don't charge you for the checked bag unless you are flying with Ryan Air or Transavia (or the like) in which case you will pay.

Those budget airlines charge for carry on luggage as part of their priority boarding class so if you are forced to check the bag because you didn't buy an upgrade or if your bag does not fit exactly the measurement specifications (even if you are priority) then expect a very hefty fee ($80+) to check that bag. Just make sure to take out anything like lithium batteries (not allowed in cargo), medication, and anything you specifically need for the flight.

Anyhow, the long and short of it is this: If it is that important to you then spend the extra $100 when buying the seats and get a better boarding class group.

The Great Reclining Debate

Let's address the elephant in the cabin: should you recline your seat?

This is easily the most divisive issue in travel etiquette, with passionate advocates on both sides. Yes, the recline button exists. Yes, you technically paid for a seat that reclines. But there's also a human being behind you whose knee space just became your headrest. Now some airlines have removed that feature on their short haul routes fortunately but if you can recline, consider the following.

There's a reasonable middle ground: recline gradually, not in one violent thrust backward. Glance behind you first—if someone's working on a laptop or eating a meal, wait. On short flights under two hours, consider whether you really need those extra three inches. And during meal service, return your seat upright. It's just decent and most airlines enforce it.

Night flights and long-haul international travel? That's when reclining makes the most sense, and most people expect it. But even then, a slow, gentle recline beats the surprise slam and take into consideration the person behind you. If they are above average height then maybe you can do a partial recline instead. An extra inch won't affect you as much and but it makes a big difference to the person behind. Trust me, it does.

Keep the Noise Down

Your music is great. I'm sure it is. But if I can identify the song you're listening to through your headphones, it's too loud. And if you're watching videos on your phone without headphones at all? We need to talk.

Nobody wants to hear your movie, your game, your music, or your YouTube rabbit hole. Invest in a decent pair of headphones. They're not expensive, and they're essential travel equipment. You might find that the over the ear type of phones is more comfortable for the longer flights. Make sure they have active noise canceling!

Beats Headphones

Phone/Zoom/WhatApp calls are a gray area. A brief, quiet call to let someone know you've landed? Fine. A 45-minute speakerphone conversation with your business partner while we're all trapped in this metal tube? Unacceptable. Use your indoor voice, keep it short, and

Now, about crying babies: parents are doing their best. Babies cry. It's what they do. The pressure change hurts their ears and they don't know how to clear it. Crying helps to relive the pressure. They can't help it, and trust me, the parents are more stressed about it than you are annoyed by it. Show some grace and just put on your noise canceling headphones - they are your best friend right now. What's not okay is letting your seven-year-old kick the seat in front of them for three hours or allowing your kids to run up and down the aisle like it's a playground.

Feet, Shoes, and Personal Boundaries

Here's a sentence I can't believe needs to be said: keep your feet in your own space.

I don't care how long the flight is. I don't care how uncomfortable your shoes are. Your socked feet (or worse, OMG your bare feet) do not belong on armrests, against seat backs, or poking through the gap between seats. Your feet are not the exception. Your feet aren't "not that bad." Keep them on the floor in front of your own seat.

Taking your shoes off on a long flight? Debatable, but generally acceptable if you're wearing clean socks and your feet stay firmly planted on the floor in your own footwell. Many airlines actually provide socks or slippers to passengers. Use them. Going full barefoot? I'll take things to never do on a p[lane for $1000, Alex. And when you go to use the bathroom? Shoes go back on. I mean, you've seen the floors in the bathrooms from guys who can't aim or women who hover, right?. Do you REALLY want that soaking in to your socks. Ew. Just....EW.

And while we're discussing boundaries: the armrest situation. Middle seat gets both armrests. This is the law. Window gets a view and a wall to lean on. Aisle gets extra legroom and easier bathroom access. Middle seat gets nothing except those two armrests. Don't take that away from them. If you have a 4 seat spread in the middle of the plane, well, negotiate the central one. Time share it.

What You Wear and What You Bring

You don't need to wear a three-piece suit to fly anymore, but there's a baseline standard. You're in public, sharing space with hundreds of people. Wear enough clothing to be covered. Avoid anything with offensive language or graphics and you probably don't want to be advertising your political beliefs either. If you wouldn't wear it to a nice family restaurant, maybe don't wear it on a plane.

I understand comfort is paramount when on a long flight but an adult traveling in pajamas is ridiculous. If you want comfort go with some stylish athletic wear maybe. I'm fine with hoodies (nice for covering head when dozing), yoga pants, even some sweat pants can look nice enough. But if you want to dress to impress just because? Do it. I can honestly say that I have been bumped to business class a couple times quite likely because I was lookiong sharp in my Armani suit.

A related note: go easy on the perfume or cologne and make sure to put on deodorant or antiperspirant. Recirculated air amplifies scents, and what smells nice to you might trigger someone else's migraine or allergies in close quarters. Same goes for bringing pungent food on board.

The Food Question

Speaking of food: bringing outside food on planes is generally allowed and often necessary given the state of airline food. But use some judgment.  Hard-boiled eggs? Nope. That tuna salad sandwich from the airport deli? Leave it behind. A curry bowl? Hard Pass. Basically avoid anything with a strong smell that will linger in recycled air for hours.

Crunchy snacks are fine. A sandwich is fine. Just be mindful that you're eating inches away from strangers. Chew with your mouth closed, and dispose of your trash properly. Don't leave a pile of napkins and wrappers in your seat pocket for the next person to discover.

On trains with dining cars or food service, the same rules apply. If you're eating at your seat, keep smells and sounds to a minimum. And clean up after yourself.

A Word About Alcohol

Let's talk about drinking while flying. There's been a disturbing increase in incidents involving drunk and unruly passengers over the past few years, and it's not hard to see why. Alcohol affects you differently at altitude—the lower air pressure and reduced oxygen mean that one drink in the air can feel like two on the ground. You get intoxicated faster and more intensely.

A glass or two of wine with your meal? Perfectly fine. Enjoying a beer while you wait near the gate? No problem. But a half dozen martinis in the airport lounge followed by a couple more drinks on the plane? Just, no.

Beyond making yourself obnoxious to everyone around you, there's a serious safety consideration. In an emergency evacuation, you need to be alert and able to move quickly. Being impaired puts not only yourself at risk but also the passengers around you who might need to get past you to reach an exit. Flight attendants are trained to refuse service to intoxicated passengers, and they will do it. Gate attendants will also refuse boarding to an individual that appears intoxicated. Don't put them in that position, and don't put yourself on a no-fly list because you couldn't pace yourself.

Drink responsibly, or better yet, save the celebration for when you land.

The Bottom Line

None of these rules are revolutionary. They're basic courtesy dressed up as travel etiquette. But somewhere between budget airlines, cramped seating, and the general stress of modern travel, we seem to have forgotten that we're all in this together.

You don't have to be perfect. We all have bad days, forget our headphones, or accidentally bump into someones seat when coming back from the bathroom once in a while - a simple sorry goes a long way sometimes.The goal isn't perfection - it's awareness. Before you do something on a plane, train, or bus, ask yourself: "Would I be annoyed if someone did this to me?"

If the answer is yes, don't do it.

Travel is stressful enough without adding inconsiderate passengers to the mix. A little awareness, a little courtesy, and maybe we can all get where we're going without wanting to scream into the recycled air. And please, keep your feet to yourself.

Happy Travels!